I Quit Journaling So I Could Write More… And It Didn’t Work

 Part 1

May 30, 2024
Why I Want To Quit

1. I spend a lot more time journaling that I do writing any other projects.
    If I spent the time on writing novels or a memoir or short stories or poetry that I do on my journal, I would be a lot more prolific. I would have a lot more to work with. Most of the words I have logged on this device are in my journal. Words that no one will see. Words that may not serve no purpose, but don't serve the purpose that I want to prioritize right now.

2. My "voice" is very one-dimensional.
    I always find myself going back to a first-person conversational style in any writing project. Now this can definitely work and is probably a strong suit of mine, but when I want to branch out, try something new, I often fall back into my own personal voice because journaling is something I do, am "working on", all the time so it's hard to cultivate a different vibe for another project. I have to be very conscious of it.

3. My writing is very self-centered.
    Journaling has been very personal and rewarding for me for a very long time. It's part of who I am, in a way. But it's not who I want to be. I have wanted to be a published author for as long as I can remember. And while I have dozens of volumes of diaries (I am currently on Volume 95), I have only completed 2 novels, and only 1 of them I worked on long enough to be publishable. If I continue to only write about, ponder over, muse on my own life, my writing will be small. I want to use fiction to explore different ideas. Of myself, yes, but also of the world, different characters, different experiences. I want to expand into the world of fantasy (even if it stays on the realistic side of fiction).

4. My writing is very thought- and feeling-based.
    Whenever I try to write fiction, I often fall into a pondering sort of style. I do think books like that can be important, but I personally love to read action books and would love to explore more action in my writing.

5. I think journaling is genuinely holding me back.
    The time I spend journaling cannot be spent on fiction. The energy I spend on journaling cannot be spent on fiction. When I sit down at my typewriter to write, I journal because it's easier. It flows naturally. I don't need to think too hard about what's happening or how it'll work or even what to write about because it's all right there. Journaling has become a crutch for me. I feel like a writer because I'm writing... but I'm no closer to being the author that I've dreamed of being since I was kid. I want stop being distracted by the easy pleasure of typing whatever comes to mind whenever it comes to mind. I want to challenge myself. I want to level up. I want to write something that I can share with the world, find a way to connect through universal experiences. I actually want to work harder and see something come from it, then continue writing in this cushy, circular way. I want to grow as a writer. Step outside and take some risks.

I process so much by journaling... but I want to see if I can turn it into something productive as an author instead. This long meandering pondering needs to stop. I can sit here and think as much as I want while musing over my stories, but I've got to take myself out of the equation. I'll let myself ponder, but then I need to process it into fiction. Because that's what I've always wanted to do. Basically, stop messing around and get to work.

PART 2
One Month Later
Back to Journaling

I had all these grand plans to focus my writing, but it turns out that when I don't write to journal, my creative ideas flow less easily. Instead of writing more on other projects, I didn't write at all. Other circumstances have affected this also like a vacation, a birthday, and a national holiday, but when I did want to get back into writing, all I wanted to do was journal. And usually, I would have journaled through all those events because it isn't "work" to take a vacation from, it's fun. I really missed journaling.

I've always wanted to write novels because that's what I always enjoyed reading, but I think I should give creative non-fiction a try instead. Essays, memoirs, think-pieces or whatever... Focused journal entries basically. I think it would be fun and I might naturally excel at it.

Sometimes I invent rules that end up being hurdles to my writing process because I feel like writing should be a certain way. Or I think I can force my way into a certain routine to increase creativity or ease of writing. When really I just need to do it. Butt in chair, you know? I need to sit and write, do what I need to do to get there, even if that means journaling for pages and pages first.

Journaling, I think, is not procrastination, but a part of who I am, a part of my creative self, and thus a part of my process. Plus, I flippin' really like doing it.