Totally Be

  I’m going to start out with the disclosure that I do not have an overly large pile of unread books at home, and that I don’t think this tactic will work well for a very large list. I wanted to share it anyway because even if it isn’t a bulletproof system, it has helped me see my reading of books in a new way and that’s actually what I’ve found to be so valuable from this exercise. Historical note: I used to have a very large TBR (to-be-read pile/list) until I realized that it seriously stressed me out. I’ve tried many concerted efforts to read it down, but the most progress I ever made was when I went willy-nilly un-hauling books left and right – which I had called “donating” before the un-haul video became popular. It was so freeing to finally not have a huge pile of unread books suffocating me anymore. The only problem was, I never stopped buying books. I wasn’t interested in reading a bunch of books that had gone stale for me anymore, but there were lots of other fresh books c...

  April 22, 2024 Morning I’m not going to the gym because I’m distracted by my new computer. All the new things of Stardew Valley, not to mention catching up on a farm that I haven’t played in years. I also have this really cool keyboard that is like a typewriter. Very tactile and bouncy and clicky. And it even has a number pad! 123456789 And “end” buttons and all that fancy stuff that I haven’t had on a keyboard in a long time. Like, this is a FULL SIZE keyboard. How did I never think that was important for a writer? I thought that I wouldn’t mind writing on the iPad, but honestly it was kinda terrible for writing longform stuff. Anyway, yeah, now I have a cool keyboard and Word, which is whatever, but quite good for straight up documents. And, like, compatible and long lasting. I want to write stuff. Like a writer. But I don’t have any ideas. Maybe I could try some prompts. Maybe I could mess around. Maybe I could just continue to write crap like this. Oh, should this be in my di...

  Several years ago, Ariel Bissett made a YouTube video   Tarot Card Book Recommendations   that I found very fun and interesting. So fun and interesting that I’ve watched it several times. And now that I have my own Tarot deck, book log, and website, I’d like to make my own tarot card book recs to share with you all. The deck I am currently using is  The Luna Sol Tarot . It is a very colorful, gentle, and positive deck. It comes with its own little hardcover booklet for explaining the cards and their meaning, but I’ve also borrowed a book –  Tarot: Connect with yourself, develop your intuition, live mindfully  by Tina Gong – that I will also be using to inspire my book picks today. Like Ariel, I will be pulling three cards and giving a book recommendation for each because why not? I highly recommend you go watch her video because it’s very well done and she has a stunningly beautiful deck of tarot cards. And if you enjoyed that video or this post, you can ...

  I never would have thought I’d make this move, but I think I may be switching from preferring paper books to preferring ebooks. I always had a thing for books. I loved the covers, the pages, the shapes, the smells, the lore. I collected and hoarded and, yes, read. For years I did this. For decades. And then a strange thing happened. It happened aggravatingly slow so most of the time I was just confused. The books became burdensome. I worried about having an author’s entire collection and if books in a series matched. I worried about how much space all the books were taking up. I bought or collected a lot of books I hadn’t read but wanted to. Or did I? I wondered if I would ever actually reread some of the books I was holding on to. It took a while – years – to get over those hangups. And honestly I still get hung up on certain titles sometimes. But I’ve learned to let things slide by consciously convincing myself it wasn’t very helpful to be such a stickler for completionism or p...

  I went to Catholic church as a child because it was important to my father due to his German family upbringing. However, I always remember my mother being the one involved with driving me back and forth to CCD and helping me don my finicking stockings and scratchy dresses because my father was usually at work and/or generally less involved with daily domestics. My mother wasn’t raised religiously and I sensed her disapproval of the Catholic church. I went through with my Communion (of which I’m sure my Oma and Opa were very proud), but I never was Confirmed. When I reached a certain age, my mother let me decide if I wanted to keep attending church or not. I didn’t want to. And the whole family stopped attending altogether. I wonder what kept my father away? My mother’s opinions? Convenience? Familial loyalty? Laziness? More fun ways to spend a Sunday? No members of my family attended any church for decades. Then my parents returned to the same Catholic church of my childhood to s...

  The thing that bothers me most about the internet is that it provides the allusion that a place exists that has all the answers. Sure, you can find many answers to many questions on the internet (whether they are correct answers is another matter), but I’m thinking more about those life questions that are, in essence, unanswerable. The ineffable aspects of the world and the worlds we create inside our heads. Or even answerable questions that require an environment opposite to the internet, namely a quiet look inward to our most individualized souls. You may think that I’m a hypocrite, complaining about the internet and yet having a website and posting to a blog here. But I’ve been writing my whole life and the only thing that ever seemed to be missing from that rewarding hobby was an ability to share it, which the internet so easily and readily provides. So there’s the crux of it. I can complain about its faults and be thankful for its strengths. And if we reduce that to the ques...

  My family has gone through quite a few bouts of illnesses this season. (I love the ambiguous term that “season” has become. Not defined by any solstice or equinox, but a broader, more nebulous meaning of a time period.) Some have been more serious than others. One required multiple visits to multiple doctors and multiples weeks of medicine, while others I can’t even say for sure if there was an illness or if the person suffered from fatigue or overwhelm or laziness (which I suppose in their own ways are   not hale ). I struggle less with the thought that serious illness may alter my family permanently in some way, because it seems like an impossible possibility to grasp (especially since I am not a natural worrier), than I do with how feeling unwell is its own blockage that keeps us from being productive, from living our lives. The term toxic productivity has been thrown around more and more lately and it is a real concern. I don’t know if I suffer that extreme, though. Any ...

  I’ve been a stay-at-home parent on and off for a little over eight years and I feel like I’ve finally come to terms with it. My journey began with the maternity leave of my first child. When that meager three months was over, I wanted to go back to work part-time, but the company employing me at the time only wanted me back full-time. I resigned instead. After six more months at home, I found a part-time position with the county. Rinse and repeat maternity leaves, and part-time hours each time I had my second and third children. So I never really felt committed as a homemaker or dedicated to my career. Then the COVID pandemic happened. Things were extremely difficult trying to do everything at home while most public spaces were closed, but it was technically possible. Then over the summer of 2020, my place of work reopened, but in September, our school did not. At least, not completely. I didn’t feel comfortable asking my wonderful mother-in-law (who filled in for childcare while...

  Most of the time when I read I want to escape: to go on an adventure, to be thrilled and satisfied. Other times (and I am often unaware of this craving), I need a book that makes me think–a book that perhaps asks more questions than it answers, but nevertheless has me feeling better about what I don’t know.  This is a list of those types of books. Thoughtful books. Books that are calm and comforting amidst chaos and confusion. Books that get readers thinking differently, yet don’t ask too much of them. Mindful books.  Not  books about mindfulness or its practice, but rather books that practice at being mindful.  Here they are, in no particular order: The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down  by Haemin Sunim.  265 pages. Written alternatively in short 2-6 page stories and even shorter 2-6 line anecdotes, this book is easy to dip in and out of. The author is a Zen Buddhist monk and professor and shares the wisdom he has gained from his monastic p...